Emily, 3 years old and autistic, is playing outside, and Jane knows that it is time for her to come inside. Since making a transition from outside to inside often results in a tantrum, Jane plays Barney songs on the tape recorder as she takes Emily inside, and Emily listens and sings rather than crying. To maintain Emily's interest in table time, where she does simple puzzles and color identification, Jane rewards her with a cornflake when she completes the task.

Nicole, 5 years old and autistic, watches Christilia go down the slide. She wants to play, but Nicole does not say, Òcan I play with you?Ó Instead, she gives Christilia a push, and says Òbe gentle, be gentle.Ó The push was her way of trying to interact. Christilia, almost 3 years old, responds beautifully and takes Nicole's hand to walk to the slide.

Megan is 8 years old with cerebral palsy and severe seizure disorder. She can't walk or speak, and she can't do anything with her hands. She can roll on her quilt, and she can smile. She has made so many friends among the volunteers in respite care because of her beautiful attitude. She greets everyone with a bright smile and we all see in her eyes that the soul is never disabled. She teaches us that it is not what you cannot do, but rather what you do with what you have. Megan touches all our hearts.

Diana is 11 years old with cerebral palsy. She can't go spend the night with friends like her older brother. Her special weekend away from home is at the HSA Respite House. She arrives early Saturday morning very excited about her weekend at HSA. She asks if Megan and Leigh Ann, other children in her group, will be coming. She also asks about Bubba, another respite child who goes to her school. Diana cannot walk, but she has some hand coordination. She crawls over to Megan who is on her quilt on the floor. Diana askes if she can give Megan a hug. Mabel, a volunteer with a church group, holds Megan up so Diana can hug her. Then Mabel lays Megan on the floor so Diana can do some simple physical therapy exercises with her. Diana is reminded to be gentle as she slowly moves Megan's arms amd legs. Now Diana is learning to be of service.

Lloyd is volunteering for the first time, and he is working with Kevin, who is 24 years old with epilepsy, profound physical handicaps and mental retardation. Lloyd said he just didn't know what to do with Kevin. So he just observed Kevin as he slowly twisted his body around on the floor and picked up a book. Kevin tried to turn the pages, and Lloyd helped him out. Lloyd started reading him the story and Kevin smiled. Lloyd relaxed and had a wonderful time watching and interacting with Kevin.

Wade is a college student who drives up to HSA on weekends to volunteer. He loves doing respite care. This weekend Jacob, a 5 year old with cerebral palsy, arrived not feeling too good. But Wade knows how to fix that. He starts rolling with Jacob on the floor, and then stands up and holds Jacob up by his legs. Jacob laughs and laughs as Wade swings him upside down. Wade enjoys his afternoon with Jacob more than any sports activity.

Mabel is a 62 year old grandmother who came to HSA with her church group. She was assigned to volunteer in respite care. When Mabel entered the respite facility, she explained that she had no experience with children with developmental disabilites, but that she was here to serve. She saw Megan rolling on her quilt on the floor, and Megan gave her a lovely smile. Mabel sat down with Megan and helped her roll as she listened to music. Mabel strolled her outside, and then put her in the aeroswing. Mabel soon learned that Megan was no different from her grandchildren. She just needed to be loved, and she could do that easily. Mabel continues to volunteer in respite, and now she brings her 11 year old granddaughter with her.

The Hicks arrived with Jacob for his weekend at respite care, and they said it was so good to be at our facility. The weekend before, when Jacob was not scheduled, they needed to go out of town, and took Jacob to a paid respite facility. They were very disappointed in his care and that no one kept any records for the children. The Hicks' said they had a deeper appreciation for the specialness of HSA's respite. Volunteers are here because they care about the children and they choose to be here, and they know Jacob is loved and cared for.

Emily's mother heard about the HSA respite program after her 3 year old daughter was diagnosed as autistic. She had 2 other children to care for at home, and was looking for structured activities for her daughter until her school program began. HSA volunteers scheduled 2 weekday sessions for Emily each week, and gave her structured work and play times. When Emily started, she did not know how to play. She smelled crayons and looked at marbles. As volunteers learned how to teach Emily, using a reward system for correct responses, Emily began to complete tasks. In her structured play time, she began to play with cause and effect toys, and she learned to operate the tape recorder. By repeating the same activities and routines for each visit, Emily gradually began to respond and initiate play activities without prompting. Her mother saw her time at HSA as an important part of her education.

Daniel had spent all of his 6 years in hospitals and institutions until he was adopted by a family. The family had an older child also. Daniel was mentally retarded and hyperactive with short bowel syndrome. Living in institutions with no parenting had allowed Daniel to develop some rather bad habits which his new family was working on changing. They also needed a break to do things with their older son. At HSA they soon learned that volunteers would adhere to the structure and discipline plan they were working on at home, and Daniel would learn more appropriate social interactions.

Grace is delighted when she brings her adopted son Joseph, 8 years old with profound mental retardation and autistic tendencies, to respite care. She knows that Jake will be there to interact with Joseph. Jake is 11 years old, and he has been more effective at getting Joseph to do things than some adults. Joseph responds to other children. Trevyn, 12 years old, is also there and he and Jake take turns pulling Joseph in the wagon and throwing the ball to him. Joseph won't be sad when his mother leaves today. He loves playing with the 2 boys.

Jake started volunteering in respite when he was 9 years old. He came with his mother. Then he started coming by himself, and the next year he volunteered once a month and proved a very responsible volunteer. At age 11 his 7 year old brother was so inspired by what Jake was doing that he decided he wanted to come with Jake. Mom accompanied the boys their first time together, then the 2 boys came by themselves. Jake guided his brother, and they worked well with the children.

    

The following is the written note Ann left to be read at Jackie Brewer's memorial. It's one for next book, grants, live-in orientation or other uses.

"When Jackie first came to HSA, I didn't spend much time with her. I think there was something intimidating about a person who was alert enough to judge me, and I didn't know what to say to her or even whether she wanted me around. I assumed everyone else could probably serve her better than I could, so I let them.

One afternoon, though, I went into her room with a little plastic cup of pills and happily announced, "I brought you your meds, Jackie!" But her response stopped me in my tracks. She paused for a moment, then said "Well, why don't you just bring yourself?" It had never occurred to me before that simply being with someone could be meaningful, that it's not really the words that are important but the personal connection that lies behind them. Jackie once said something like "just because I ain't talking doesn't mean I'm not here." And that was true. It's amazing how the littlest phrases and encounters are enough to significantly change our outlook.

I didn't know Jackie for nearly as long as many of you, but I feel blessed to have spent with her the two months that I did. It was good to know that she was surrounded by so many good friends, and by so much love. After she passed, a beautiful smile crossed her face, and it is that serenity which I will take with me. I wish I could be there tonight to talk and share and be with you all in person, but please know that I am thinking of you and that I send my love.

Yours truly, Ann

    

Gentle, new age music accompanies the whir of a fan and the distant hum of traffic outside. Looking out the open glass door, Mary breathes in the calm and peace. The bone cancer inhabiting her lanky frame continues to battle her body, but her spirit is just beginning to detach itself from the war. Fingering the tubes of the morphine pump, she closes her eyes. She answers the phone and her voice drops to a halted, tired note. The conversation with the outsider is brief and hurried; after the receiver is replaced the calm filters in.

Her mind jumps back into the frenzy and we work together with frustration, tumors, bedpans, pressure sores and beads of sweat. Positioning and repositioning, all exasperated outbursts meet words of comfort; no reactions no emergencies only timelessness. She tries to breathe in the peace and eventually it flows past her anger and clenched jaw. The endless needs dissipate.

Fresh water is brought without asking. We watch without hovering, expanding our understanding with every interaction. The music plays on while the fan brings in the night air. Her house is miles away, but she is home.

This is the final week of my volunteer experience at the Human Service Alliance, and I have sat with Mary almost every day. The quiet and hectic moments in this sun-filled center have taught me about my past and predicted my future. Throughout my high-school life, I filled my days with challenging honors' courses, three singing groups, peer counseling, proctoring and serving as a Big Sister. At graduation I received an award for giving the most to the school without post of elected office. During summers I worked for the family business and volunteered in rural Mexico with a community health project. However, with all my rounded experience, I was not ready for college.

College can and should mean more to me than a rite of passage; the training will give me the opportunity to hone and develop skills that allow me to achieve my life purpose. The obscurity of this purpose inclined me to postpone formal education to examine my direction in college. Having been accepted at Brown University, I requested a deferral and started mapping out a year filled with travel, singing, and service. When I recognized my need for an emotional and intellectual challenge, I arrived here in North Carolina to begin my stay at HSA. For almost three months, I have gained focus and perspective through service work at our home for terminally ill guests. Whether I am cooking, cleaning, supervising guest care, or simply holding the hand of someone in pain, I am always learning.

Rare is the eighteen year-old who ponders personal responsibility for all actions, reactions and choices, but my environment here forces me to make that effort a part of my life. Attending to the guests' routine care: bathing, feeding, administering medicine and maintaining their comfort levels, accompanies moments of revelation about death, family, positive attitude and selfless love.

Service is providing the greatest good to the greatest number of people. Using this for my motivation when choosing a major, I see that I can combine my fascination with science and my love for care giving to serve others through a career in geriatric medicine. I am willing and excited to embrace the demanding schooling required. My time with Human Service Alliance has helped me to discover purpose and a new sense of joy in life. At places like HSA it is easy to forget who is being served; the gift of love returns—multiplied.

For more information:
Human Service Alliance
3983 Old Greensboro Rd.
Winston-Salem, NC 27101
Telephone: 910 761-8745
Fax: 910 722-7882